Beachboard Breakdown

By Beachboard Website

I’ve decided that after years of being used and abused, I need to speak out.

You know that website you’ve used since you started here? The website that you rely on constantly but when it needs a breather, you turn your back on it? Yeah, that website is me, and I have some shit to say.

Were you really even going to look over that syllabus the first week of class?

I bet you’re asking yourself, “Why is BeachBoard speaking out now?” Well, I have answers for you. Do you motherfuckers think that I don’t know the shit you start talking the second something goes wrong? Okay, so I had a *small* mishap on the first day of school, so what? Do you expect perfection? Do you expect greatness? I’m literally managed by three guys in an IT pit that haven’t seen the sunlight in at least 20 years, so I’m not exactly a fucking masterpiece. I saw your emails to the support desk and they don’t exactly inspire me to do better, either. “Consistently unreliable?”

Do you think it’s easy having to take the blame for all your screw ups? Every time you are too hungover to make a deadline and you use the excuse “BeachBoard wasn’t working” to your professor, guess who has to hear about it? How about, for once, you take the blame for your inability to be a goddamn adult? What a concept!

How about, for once, you take the blame for your inability to be a goddamn adult?

When was the last time any of you asked yourselves, “What could I do to help our friend BeachBoard out?” That’s right, you’ve never asked yourself that, because you’re all selfish. I don’t get any party invites or texts about the next kickback session and when I come up in a conversation, it’s because you want to be negative about me. Just remember that when you were up all night sobbing about your midterm grades, I let you refresh me all night until you got them. Did any of your friends do that for you? I think the fuck not.

Let's be honest here, students and teachers: Were you really even going to look over that syllabus the first week of class? Don't think I don't know you open it on week three freaking out about late homework submissions. And teachers, for real, you know practically everyone is banking on syllabus week and probably ditching the second day of classes anyways. And if they are there, they're not paying any attention to you anyway because—newsflash!—you don’t have the charisma to be a decent professor! See? Doesn’t feel too good to have people shit on your job, does it?

I’m on the verge of going “Britney 2007” if I keep getting treated like this.

Starting school is as hard for me as it is for you. Your professors give you a simple eye roll if you oversleep and miss the first five minutes of class, but if I decide that I can’t take the pressure of having to be there consistently for 40,000 people for 24 hours a day, my entire being gets attacked. I’m on the verge of going “Britney 2007” if I keep getting treated like this, so maybe calm down a bit next time I make a simple mistake because if you don’t, expect an umbrella-shaped hole in your car window.

With love,

BeachBoard