By Francisco Valladares Athletics Editor
This all started in the breakroom at Staples, when my coworker asked me who BROCKHAMPTON was. I was naive to think she would understand my reply; nonetheless, I said:
“A boy band.”
She was shocked.
“They can’t be a boy band, they don’t sound like one,” she exclaimed.
It was my turn to be shocked.
That statement really made me reflect on successful boy bands of the past. What made them boy bands? The frosted tips? The mere collection of talented, good looking, young performers?
An article written by Lizzy Acker,of KQED Arts, brilliantly breaks down what people should expect from a boy band. In her article, Acker lists six things to look out for, but for this analysis we will be repurposing three of her ideas to show that BROCKHAMPTON is, indeed, a boy band.
1. To be a boy band, you have to sing catchy tunes about girls.
BROCKHAMPTON doesn’t have a full song about girls, but they have one about a boy. “SUMMER” is the final song of “Saturation II,” which tells the story of how Helmet Boy (a character played by Kevin Abstract), lost his lover, Summer LeBeouf, to suicide. The track may not be the most uplifting, but it is catchy and beautifully performed by the band’s guitar-playing singer, bearface. The boy band has sporadic verses about girls and boys in there work, but nothing that’s completely focused on lovers. Verses on SWIM, FACE, and WASTE at the end of SATURATION are good examples.
2. Your music has to be dance-able, especially at high school dances. It helps if you have dance moves that can be emulated.
The “especially at high school dances” portion may not apply to BROCKHAMPTON (that I know of), but the boy band does host their own prom. They last hosted their prom on Dec. 29, 2017 at the El Rey Theatre and I was lucky enough to attend. People were dancing, or at least rhythmically moving, throughout the entire night. If that’s not enough, their discography boasts bonafide dance songs like “BOOGIE” and “HOTTIE,” both of which are testament to their boybandmanship.
3.You have to be a little sexy. Not TOO sexy, but definitely sexy.
BROCKHAMPTON is sexy. Even if fans chant “fix your teeth” to Abstract at shows. In the music video for “FOLLOW,” Abstract has his twerk game on lock.
Each rapper and singer in the boy band is uniquely sexy. Since there are a lot members, I’ll be focusing mostly on the performers.Starting with Ameer Vann, who is very handsome and bald, Matt Champion is an all around stud, JOBA is adorable, Dom McLennon is chubby, but good looking, and Merlyn Wood is also very handsome and has such a wholesome smile.
BROCKHAMPTON check off multiple boxes on the boy band checklist. That still may not make them a legitimate boy band in your eyes, but regardless, they’ve already committed to the label. In a billboard placed near the El Rey Theatre, BROCKHAMPTON let people know their label by having the poster read “America’s favorite boy band.” Their self-assured approach to making sure they’re properly addressed is admirable, with them always making sure that people don’t call them a “rap collective.”
They want to be a boy band; let them do it.